Thankfully, season two is coming to a close. After this, only one more fucking list and we can call it a wrap! But until then, we've got work to do.
The genesis to this list came while I was on the treadmill and rather than listening to podcasts, like I usually do, I put on a playlist. Somewhere near the end of my time, a song came on and I thought to myself, "This woman doesn't get the credit she deserves." Then I started thinking out further and extrapolating it to women in all of music. Music as a whole is a male-dominated arena. It takes a lot for a girl to break out if she's not either singing beautifully or super hot and can be sexualised. There's a reason why there's way more Taylor Swifts and Rihannas rather than women like Martha Wash.
I challenge you to look at any list from Rolling Stone, Spin, the Source, whomever, and when it cites their top artists and bands, you can probably count the number of women in the top 50 on two hands, top 20 on one hand, top ten on no hands. Now, I haven't checked this, but I'm going on simply gut. When we talk about favourite MCs, no one ever says MC Lyte or Queen Latifah. When we think of top bands in rock, no one ever says Hole or Bratmobile. Even when talking jazz, we go through a lot of folks before we get to Ella Fitzgerald and her peers.
So with all of this swirling in my mind, and with it being the second day of women's history month, I offer you my top ten women who just kick ass, have musical chops that can rival any man, and deserve to be mentioned in every conversation.
Honourable mentions: Pat Benetar (Love is a battlefield, but so is this list and she couldn't make it); Nina Simone; Nitty Scott, MC (She's too young to the scene, but with time, I feel she could be the next MC Lyte and beyond); Millie Jackson (Not a fan of her music so much, but from older folks I know, she could put on a fucking show); and Deborah Harry (I love Blondie, I think they made good music, but this was the one who juuuuust missed my cut.)
Ten-- Queen Ifrica. Who?! Yeah, you've probably never heard of her, especially if you're not into roots reggae, but the Queen is heavy. Her debut album, Fyah Muma, is outstanding. Outstanding. Her songs, like most roots artists, comment on the social issues plaguing people of the Diaspora like self-hatred, physical and sexual abuse, but always makes you feel like with just an ounce of love for all of us, we can make it. Being a Rastafari and making roots, it has to be hard for woman. The names we know internationally are never women. Add on top of that how misogynistic (and I don't really want to use that word, but...) Rastafari can be sometimes, of no faults of its own but of faults of individual interpretations, it has to be even harder. Queen Ifrica, though, just keeps bringing quality music. If you're looking to hear some of her stuff, go youtube "Boxers and Stocking", "Black People", "Natty Fi Grow". Those are three of my favourites there. Oh, and "Below the Waist".
Nine-- La Lupe. This blog has given another Cubana a ton of credit for excelling in the world of salsa and Cuban music, but often forgotten, ignored, or just unknown, is La Lupe. With over 20 albums, numerous compilations, and tonnes of work with salsa legend, Tito Puente, La Lupe cannot be denied. She did salsa, she did bolero, she did Latin soul, she did guarachas. That's what we call well-versed, people. And true to her Afro-Cuban self, she was a follower of Santeria for most of her life until being "saved" later on and converting to Christianity. No, she doesn't have the hits that we know like we know for Sister Celia, but she's still got her own catalogue. "Con el Diablo en el Cuerpo", "Lo que Paso, Paso", and "La Virgen LLoraba" would be three of my favourites. Do yourself a favour and investigate into La Lupe's music.
Eight-- Wendy O. Williams. She should be higher, and if this were the purest definition of women who rock, she'd be number one. Wendy O. Williams, now that's one bad ass woman. Former lead singer of the Plasmatics, did her own thing as a solo artist too, but during the whole time, she did what she wanted. She's destroyed cars on stage, wielded a chain saw, been arrested for simulating sex on stage, made an appearance in an adult movie in a role where she shot ping-pong balls out of her vagina, like what's not to like? She even accused, and I'm just finding this out, Mrs. Fields of being on par with heroin pushers for all the white, processed sugar she sells to the public. "The Damned", "Sex Junkie", and "Squirm" are my suggestions for you to look up.
Seven-- Sleater-Kinney and Bikini Kill (tie). Riot Grrrl at its finest. I had to tie these two. I know, Sleater-Kinney cite Bikini Kill as a heavy influence, but to me, these two (along with Heavens to Betsy) made Riot Grrrl a viable subgenre in the post-punk world. Bikini Kill makes this list for their debut album, "Pussy Whipped" and it features "Rebel Girl", which I'd have to think is their most-known record (although "Blood One" is my favourite track on the album). They went on to make a few more albums before disbanding, and sure they were good to pretty good, but "Pussy Whipped" is like the textbook to making a Riot Grrrl album.
Sleater-Kinney. Wow, picking my favourite SK album isn't easy. I could go with Dig Me Out or All Hands on the Bad One. Either one is fantastic, but probably Dig Me Out is their best work, featuring songs like "Heart Factory", "Buy Her Candy", and title track "Dig Me Out". Just 35 minutes of good music done right. I'm not sure what's happened to Riot Grrrl, but the 90s was generous to these all-female bands, and the music still holds up. Luckily, we can catch former SK guitarist, Carrie Brownstein, on Portlandia.
Six-- Lady Saw. To me, there is no other woman worth mentioning in dancehall. Don't even give me Patra. I don't want to hear it. Lady Saw is the end-all, be-all for women in dancehall. And really, she's better than 85 percent of the men in the genre too. She's the queen of slackness. Lady Saw makes her pussy sound like it's ambrosia, straight nectar of the gods kinda shit. What's not to love about that? Go listen to "If Him Lef" and tell me you're not thinking, "Damn..." when it gets to the guy complaining that she's so tight, she can't be 22, she has to be 13. If you think Lil' Kim is explicit and raunchy, then you, my friend, have never heard a Lady Saw record in your life. The only thing Saw rides better than dick has to be riddims. Speaking of her and dick, "Life Without Dick", quality. You've not lived until you've heard a woman croon over her appreciation for the male member. It's not all dick, pussy, and intercourse though. Lady Saw can make a song for her mother, for women as a whole, can be positive... but dancehall is competitive and slackness sells. So I stick more to songs like "No Long Talking".
Five-- Ivy Queen. When it comes to reggaeton, there's two artists I'll listen to anytime: Tego Calderon and Ivy Queen. My wife, she gets a little jealous when I stop the radio on an Ivy Queen song. It's her voice. She's got that husky voice, like Kathleen Turner, just without the rasp. Or maybe more like Penelope Menchaca. Either way, it's her voice. She could call me a punk ass bitch who likes to let donkeys fuck me in my ass, but in her voice, it's gonna be complimentary. When I bought her compilation, "Flashback", it stayed in rotation for months. When I bought "Sentimientos", "Real", and "Diva", stayed in heavy rotation. "Drama Queen" too, heavy rotation. Of course she often gets the best producers who give her the best beats, but she takes them and roasts them. And where most men are just going around talking about their penises, how they're slaying hoes left and right, how they'll blast their enemy, Ivy Queen comes off multifaceted. Love, culture, family, and yes, catfights too, she shows much more dexterity with topics. Plus, the most phenomenal thing about Ivy Queen to me is how she could take Selena's "Si Una Vez" and turn it into a viable reggaeton track, turn into a song that you can call both Selena's and her own as well. That's hard to do. And her style, well, it's not one you see every day anymore. And sure, many will say she looks like a man, and maybe she does, but I tell you what, she's better than any reggaetonero you can name.
Four-- Madonna. Stage presence, trendsetter, multiple time reinventor of self, actress (eh, kinda), published author (eh, kinda), documentarian (eh, kinda), and without a doubt, one of my most favourite music acts ever. I loved her as a kid, I love her today, although this new single is dreadful. Madonna is timeless. She should be higher, but the competition is steep. Though her legacy will never be equaled nor forgotten, I couldn't get her to crack my top three. And a lot of it has to do with albums like Bedtime Stories and Hard Candy. I just could never get into either much. Madonna. If I could masturbate as an eight year old, I would have to her many times. Every video she did would get my blood flowing. Sure, she's not a fantastic singer, in fact singing is her only weak point. However, her music library is tops. When you have three or four official greatest hits albums, you know you've got a lot of hits. Call her a slut, call her a whore, call her old, call her manly, call her stubborn, call her whatever, she couldn't give a shit. She just keeps coming with more projects and more shows, and people churn out in droves. Her career is spanning four decades now while still releasing new music. There's not many people you can say that about, not man nor woman. For all the kiddies who think Lady Gaga is special, too bad you missed the 80s. And even in her fifties, I'd still fuck the shit out of her. While listening to "True Blue". Oh yeah. Madonna, every little thing that you say or do, I'm hung up, I'm hung up on you.
Three-- M.I.A. All you Johnny-Come-Lately folks who only learned of Maya after "Paper Planes" or awful "Swagger Like Us", fall to the side. If you were there when "Arular" came out, then join me. When I first saw "Galang" on whatever MTV was doing with its special college network, I was sold. Bought the album a few weeks after and was hooked. Between "Bucky Done Gun" and "URAQT", which features goddamned Sanford and Son theme, I was bouncing off the walls. In the midst of blowing up all over the place with the success of second album, "Kala", I think people forget or never knew how good "Arular" is. It's definitely the most revolutionary of her albums, and that's probably what gets my attention. "Kala" is not to be shitted on though. I mean, it put me on African Boy, for god's sake! Plus, "20 Dollar", how fucking great is that song?! "MAYA" is good, I want to make it great, but I can't, I can only make it good. But through it all, she's remained true to herself. She's always made music that you can dance to, that you can feel, but always keep a conscious message throughout. She's no pushover, people. She's not a flash in the pan like Kesha or whoever the hell Eva Simons is. Those people have no talent and cannot write a song if their lives were on the line. M.I.A., please don't overexpose yourself though, baby girl. I mean, after all, you are on that god awful Madonna single.
Two-- Sheila E. The glamourous Sheila E. When your dad is Pete Escovedo and your godfather is Tito Puente, not only are you gonna rock, you're gonna be one BAD ASS percussionist. Sheila E. is indeed a bad ass percussionist. Quickly, name the female percussionists you know... Done? Yeah, exactly. If any instrument was an extension of the penis, you'd feel it's the drum. You want the big conga, you want the big bass drum, you want to have the 10 minute solo at a concert, you are the backbone, blah, blah, blah. Well, if I'm right on that feeling, then Sheila E has the biggest dick in music. Fuck all the shit about dating Prince or band leader on the Magic Hour, this woman rocks and her albums speak for themselves. She's more than just "The Glamorous Life". Unfortunately, that's like the only Sheila E track most people know or ever heard. The woman her first four albums chart! That's more than just one song. But the sexiest thing about her is not her looks, or the songs, it's her live shows. She can literally play the fuck out of any piece of percussion you put in front of her, and can do it for jazz, Latin jazz, hip-hop, R&B, whatever. And she'll move from instrument to instrument and just keep it flowing. That's showmanship, that's what being a bad ass rocker is all about. I can guarantee your favourite drummer can't do that, even if he had 20 years to prepare. Sheila E., true legendary shit.
ONE-- Missy Elliott. I surprised myself with this one. She was the fourth woman I thought about, and when it came time to numbering them, she was the only one in my mind I felt was definitely top two. She's even better than that though. She's THE woman who knows how to rock. She can rap, she can sing a little bit, she can dance her ass off, she can produce. Yes. That's the clinching argument there. Production. I only know of one other female producer in all of rap and hip-hop and she's in a little known group that most people probably could care less about. Jay-Z lied. Missy invented swag. And most importantly, she did as a fat, black woman. When she hit the scene nationwide, she would have been better for the role of "Mammy" than hip-hop superstardom. And not only was she fat, she was in a big ass, outdoor Hefty bag! And through all of that, she was still bad ass. She drops a ton of weight and still keeps it rocking by not losing the curves and essence of a full figure. Seriously people, the woman is fresh. Like, really, I don't know what to say about Missy because I know most of my 10 readers know her and are well-versed in her stuff probably. But if you don't think she's the pinnacle of women in hip-hop and rap, then you're an idiot. And if you do think she is, well then, isn't that alone enough to be number one on the list?
No comments:
Post a Comment